almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My penis needs a shock collar
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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