we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize