Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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