but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
