That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
