I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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