Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
