Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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