I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
