When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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