apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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