This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
