I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
