Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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