That's intense
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
