oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
