these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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