Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm like, not good at living.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
