he thought i was a dude.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
