so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
