she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
