you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
