he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
