goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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