Do you still have your period?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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