I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
