the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
