I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
