Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
