Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
