none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
