Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
