I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
