I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
