I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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