If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
