I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
