Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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