I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
