So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
