her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dicks are not precious.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
