So many bounce houses so little time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
