He uses pillows to masturbate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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