Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
