I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
