Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
