i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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