it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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