So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
