I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
