Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
