so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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