I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
