I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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