Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
