After last night, I could never be a politician.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
