I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
