Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
