Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
