grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
