Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
