remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
