i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
