Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
